Friday, May 1, 2009

My heart is heavy with love




My precious babies!!


Man I have been having a emotional night....I was reading some blogs about moms and dads that have lost their children and it makes me so happy to have healthy happy children. I cried for a good hour and made my kids let me love on them(they thought I was crazy lol)....It makes me sad for all those times I yelled at my kids or got aggravated with them. You never know when you will lose someone. I am still crying right now over a lot of guilt. I want to be the best mom to my children possible and I am going to be!! I don't care no more if my house is messy, if Chris wants to wear underwear over his pants, if the baby doesn't nap....I am not going to sweat the small stuff. I am going to enjoy my children and praise god for the little miracles he has given me. Nicholas was so cute tonight we were saying our prayers and Nick says God thank you for Chris and mommy they are my best freinds. AWWWW it melted my heart and of course made me cry. I don't know what is going on with me tonight. I have been thinking about death a lot lately, ever since I lost my grandma. It is so scary to think that one day we are here and the next we could be gone. I am so scared of dying and leaving my children behind. They would have no idea where I went...it makes me so sad and scared. I have always been scared of death but not as much as I am now. Losing my grandma really was a eye opener for me...I never thought I would lose someone close to me. I am praying a lot and asking God to guide me through this difficult time I am going through.

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