HELP...going crazy!!

I am about two seconds from going completely nuts and being admitted to the crazy ward! This is just going to be a bunch of rambling but I have to get it out!! First off Nick and Chris are driving me crazy with their fighting, tattling, arguing, calling names, not sharing...you get the point. It has gotten so bad lately that when they walk in a room I cringe because I just know that someone did something to the other. I shouldn't cringe when my children walk into a room! What is wrong with me? I love these boys to death and I feel so bad because I don't know but I just feel like I don't have the patience to deal with all the crying and whining.

Dylan oh my lovely baby boy who is at my feet every time I try to walk up and do anything! He will crawl around and follow me and pull up on my pants leg and whine until I pick him up...yes it sounds cute but trust me after the 500 millionth time he does it..it gets slightly annoying! I can't get anything done around this house. When I do try and clean Dylan throws a fit because I am not paying attention to him. I am not worried about my house being so clean you can eat off the floors but come on Dylan I can't have dirty diapers hanging over the trash can! You have to let mommy do some cleaning!! I know this is a phase he is going through and it will pass(please tell me this is true).

Now on to my husband....ahhhhh I count down until 3:30 when he gets home so he can play with me and the kiddos outside and keep them occupied while I make dinner but guess what this rarely happens! He acts like he is stupid and doesn't know what to do when the baby cries or he doesn't know how to play with all three of them at once. Yes it is hard but guess what buddy I do it everyday! Please Mark pull your head out of your ass and start helping me with the kids otherwise I am going to end up in a nut ward from going crazy!

I am starting to get a little worried with how over whelmed I have been feeling...my patience is gone, I have been yelling, I have been so stressed that I swear I can feel my blood boil, as soon as the boys get up I think how long I have till bedtime. I hate feeling this way! I want to be able to enjoy my kids and I want my kids to quit whining and fighting. I don't know what to do anymore...they don't listen worth a crap! I know if I was to follow through ALL the time with their punishment and not just 75% of the time it would really help but to be honest I don't even have the strengthto discipline them after they do something for the 50th time. I feel myself almost going into a little depression. I started having depression after the birth of Nick..man that was a rough time in my life. I had ppd so bad but it is weird because I was the opposite of what ppd says you should feel. I was scared to leave Nick, I was afraid something was going to happen to him, I was scared to put Nick down..you get the point. I do not ever want to go back into a depression that bad ever again! I am thinking of getting back on my medicine....I truly honestly think I might need some kind of nerve pill also! If you made it this far thanks for listening...things will be better soon! I hope! lol

Friday Firsts

Christophers first time sledding...we had tried to get him to go sledding before but he refused but finally this past winter he went and he loved it!

Friday First

My friend Leah..http://www.davisbabies.blogspot.com/..has come up with a wonderful idea....every Friday she suggested that we all post about our kids, neice, nephew, friend, family..you get the idea...first. I am excited to particapate in this! Thanks for coming up with this Leah....I know I am not explaning this correctly so go check out her great blog for more info...lol.
Here is my first Friday First..got that?! lol..Dylan trying baby food for the first time :)..yummy carrots!

You are going to miss this....

You are going to miss this
You're going want this back
You're going wish these days
Hadn't gone so fast

These are some good times
So take a look around
You may not know it know
But you're going to miss this

awwww I love this Trace Adkins song...have you heard it? I am pretty sure every one on the planet has! Every time I am having a bad day with the boys I think about this song and it really makes me realize that yes they may be driving me crazy right now but they are growing up on me and I need to take a step back and enjoy them. This song really brings me back down where I need to be.

Another tooth!

It looks like Dylan has another tooth...that makes 3 and they are all on the bottom...none on the top! How funny is that? My big boy is just getting way toooooo big and he needs to slow down!

Not so good dreams

I am sitting here at 3:30 in the morning, my heart beating fast and crying. I hate when I have disturbing dreams...I just woke up from a dream about my grandma....she came back to earth but didn't know how long God was going to let her stay....she looked very sick in my dream and I just crying to her asking her please don't go, please don't go.....I remember at one point in my dream I was hugging her and she was staring at me in a mirror it feels like she was really staring at me....at the end of my dream she stops hugging me and walks away saying you know how your cousin Ethan is always saying what a bad life he has..in my dream I say what do you mean...my grandma says I can take him with me...I go look in her room where she had layed down and that is when I wake up terrified, depressed and scared. I don't even have a cousin Ethan so I don't what the heck that even means. I have been having a lot of dreams of her a lot lately or of my mom and her dying at the same time. Do you think it is my grandma talking to me in my dreams? What do all these dreams mean? I am sick of having bad scary dreams...I am afraid to fall asleep at night because of these dreams. I miss my grandma so much and I can't believe that it has already been 3 months since she went to heaven quickly and unexpectedly. Well it wasn't so quick she was on a ventilator for 11 days(I can not remember if that is how long or not)....she had a brain stem stroke and after 11 days it was too much for her body. We never got to say good bye to her. She was basically brain dead....we did not want my grandma living like a vegetable. I stayed in the room watching my grandma take her last breath over and over again...it has really messed with my mind and I can not get the image out of my head. I don't want to be scared anymore.....I don't want to have bad dreams anymore....I don't want to be worried that something is going to happen to me 24/7. I just wish she could be back on this earth and I could talk to her. Please say a prayer for me that I will not have these bad dreams anymore and maybe I can get a little closure from her death...thank you.

Sick

I am sick and tired....literally. I spent the day in the ER turns out I have bronchitis..yuck, blah, ugh, grrrrr. I am so upset...I do not have time to be sick right now. It is summer time and my kiddos are on the go. The doctor told me to stay out of the heat and that really sucks my kids live in the pool during the summer...I got put on Zpac and I hope this clears up really soon. They are also telling me that I can't lift my baby and well that just is not going to happen....he is a mammas boy and loves to be held by mommy. My mom is coming over to help tomorrow thank goodness!! I don't know what the heck I would do if I had to take care of all three kiddos by myself while being sick. I am in so much pain my chest is killing me and my head is throbbing :(. Wish me luck that this all passes quickly.